I’m in a rather reflective mood this morning. Maybe it’s because Jenny and our two eldest daughters are out sewing. The rest are home with me. Sitting in my office, enjoying a hot cup of starbucks. It’s quiet. Hmmm . . . a little too quiet.
In a couple months, I’m going to be turning 39. Officially. Jenny and I will be celebrating our 14th anniversary in the Fall. Our eldest daughter will be turning 13; our ‘baby’ will be 3. In May, we will celebrate our 6th full year in Texas and working for the same company (though there was a merger somewhere in there).
And through it all, God has been faithful, even when I have not been. I haven’t always been the best husband, father, son, or friend that I could be. There are more times than I can count that I’ve let my family and friends down. I’ve broken promises, said ugly things in fits of rage, and hurt those that I should be protecting and honoring.
I don’t have many long-term friends. I can count on my hands the friends that I’ve kept for more than 10 years, friends that I communicate with regularly. Some of that is due to us moving around, and Facebook has certainly helped me to stay plugged into friends in other parts of the country / world.
I have had to say goodbye to friends that were having a toxic effect on me and my family. You can try to love and support someone with all of your heart, but when that relationship starts to drive a wedge between you and your wife or your children, then it has to go.
Am I too comfortable keeping friends and family at arm’s length? Do I purposely sabotage friendships? Who knows? I’m sure a psychiatrist would tell me that I’ve got some deep subconscious betrayal that I’ve experienced blah blah blah.
For those that are into personality types, I’m a classic ISTJ aka the Inspector. If you want to find out what Jung Personality type you are, you can take the test online here. What’s interesting to me about my personality type is how I handle rules (the law). My flirtation with Libertarianism and true freedom is a relatively new chapter of my life. Though I’ve always considered myself to be Conservative with Libertarian tendencies, God’s impressed on me the wisdom of liberty — giving people sovereignty and responsibility to choose.
I guess one thing I can say for certain is that my faith and my relationship with my God has to come first. Period. But after that, my wife is the most important person in my life. Someday, our children will all leave our home and begin lives of their own. Hopefully, we’ve prepared them for the challenges they will face. And in the end, God willing, it will just be me and Jenny in our home. I’m looking forward to those days when we can sit down together and enjoy an uninterrupted conversation over breakfast, when we no longer have to buy in bulk, and when our vehicle can seat 2 comfortably.
But until then, I’ve got laundry to do.
2 thoughts on “Random thoughts and reflection”
Tim, I stumbled across your blog today and really enjoyed reading. I'm a fellow homeschooler and mom of seven in Wisconsin. My family has also been reexamining liberty in light of biblical truth. There is much to learn and it's often outside the Christian status quo. I hope you will continue writing. I'm looking forward to reading! Blessings to you!
Tanya, thank you and blessings to you and your family as well! We have some very dear friends still living in Wisconsin (we moved here from Illinois almost 6 years ago). I hope I can encourage you and anyone else that stumbles upon my mental meanderings as iron sharpens iron.